Dating Interview with Sex Educator Malika O'Neill

As a sex educator, what are some of the biggest dating obstacles for your clients? 

· When it comes to dating, the biggest obstacle has been self-confidence as it relates to body image. They have also identified experiencing bad timing when meeting a partner, finding it difficult to find a partner who is equally dedicated to the courtship and willing to help it grow. 

· My clients who are over 30 tend to report that they experience partners who are jaded, and possess mismatched values as well as finding partners who are emotionally available.

How can clients whom are either late to bloom or have difficulties with their sexual health move toward dating more effectively? 

· Understanding that sex is not the end all be all. Respect their own boundaries (try exploring those boundaries if they are unable to identify them). I also tell my clients their sexual health comes first and that there is a huge spectrum of activities that one could take part in despite sexual health challenges. I would recommend support groups for body positivity and great minds alike. This does not have to be a barrier in one's experience to dating. Educating themselves to move towards dismantling, unlearning, and reframing the stigmas around difficulties with sexual health and successful dating would be very beneficial as most folx use porn as a measurement to what sex should be which is not accurate.

How do you help people who cope with sex addiction in their dating life? 

· As a sexologist, I always try to normalize my clients experiences. Too often society is working to make people feel as if they are “abnormal” or “just don’t belong”. I work with my clients to help them feel liberation in their bodies. Challenges that I help them overcome are the need for instant gratification from their partner(s). I provide psychoeducation on transparency, how this plays a role in their recovery and how it can be beneficial in their dating life.

What ways do you support your clients in dating? 

· I support them by providing effective and inclusive psychotherapy and coaching services. 

· If needed, I will refer them to a 12-step group or even a support group that will add value and support to their dating process.

· I offer relationship coaching for those who may need guided support but may not hold and trauma related to dating.

· Using mindfulness-based techniques such as body scans and meditation is also a great way to help clients center themselves and really focus on discovering who they are as an individual prior to bringing someone else into their lives. 

· My goals with my clients are to always support myself In the journey, but also challenge them to new things in order for them to live the lives they deserve and desire. 

What tips do you have as a sex educator in supporting someone in their dating life?

· Be authentic, non-judgmental and help whomever you are supporting find liberation within themselves prior to exploring the dating scene. Sexual liberation is important as it provides one with the ability and confidence to identity what they are looking for in a partner(s) and eliminates serial dating. 

· Learn how to have dialogue around sexual topics including your needs and wants.

· Identify your sexual scripts including, what you enjoy sexually, what you like I a partner, what you don’t like, identifying what you need versus what you want, sexual boundaries and worldviews, etc. This will help with being more specific when choosing someone you would like to date. Don’t waste your time. 

· Remember to respect personal boundaries including your own

· Remember sex is not a reflection of you as a person

· Consent is sexy! Don’t violate someone else’s consent or your own (consent is not just for the bedroom)

Malika O'Neill is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Sexologist, Educator, Author, Coach and Pleasure Enthusiast. Malika is the CEO and founder of The Pleasure Collective, LLC, a psychotherapy practice providing therapy, coaching, and educational service to help you manifest peace and pleasure so that you can live the life you deserve

and desire. She uses a wealth of treatment, healing and coaching modalities to synchronize her mission to educate, explore, and empower her clients. 

Find more on Malika:

Website: www.thepleasurecollectivellc.com

Social media: IG: sexpert.malikasihara

IG: thepleasurecollectivellc

Facebook: The Pleasure Collective LLC

Twitter: sexpertmalika

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